Do you Waltz or do you Cha Cha?

• Be more engaged
• Be more collaborative
• Be  more productive
• Be more accountable
• Be more innovative, and have fun while doing it …

Deborah provides leaders with the necessary strategies to inspire their teams to reach even higher levels of achievement.

Her message, delivered with style and substance, is entertaining and highly memorable, and offers a unique perspective on engagement.

http://www.debrossouw.com/

In its shocked state, this tiny creature hesitated for a second and then scurried from behind the laundry basket and across the vinyl laundry-room floor in the direction of the next room. What the poor little blighter did not know was that the adjoining room had a highly polished marble floor. You’ve guessed it. The moment its tiny paws hit the marble surface, its rotund body went into a magnificent skid, as if on ice.  Its stringy tail got caught underneath it’s body and was no longer available as a rudder. To add insult to injury, the skid gave way to a perfect 360 degree tailspin as it tried to grip the marble surface with its scratchy claws. I stood by mesmerized, watching as it scurried every which way to regain its equilibrium. Only when he came to a dead stop was he able to steer himself to safety through the door that had been wide open all this time, on the opposite side of the room.

I’ve often pondered how we can be like that little field mouse. When life presents us with new options, either through our own choices or through unexpected circumstances, we too find ourselves in an unfamiliar place like the field mouse, in the laundry room. And,sometimes, in a moment of sheer panic, we’re faced with the unexpected, and like the mouse, we rush in the opposite direction . This new direction leads us further into unfamiliar territory than we might have had to face if we’d taken a strategic pause to assess our options in a more calm way.

In my work as a coach, I help my clients build their capacity to take strategic pauses so they can regain their inner sense of equilibrium, and, from that place, they’re better equipped to make supportive choices in their professional as well as in their personal lives.

Just like the mouse, we often need to be able to bring ourselves to a dead stop, before we can move through the door that’s been waiting for us all along.

So my question to you is this: In which areas of your life are you in a skid that has you reeling out of balance and headed in a direction not of your own choice? And, what will help you to stop so you can see the door that has been open to you all along?

[If this has inspired you in any way, drop me an email at : deborah[@]authenticdialogue.com  ]

So, there I am at the start of ‘killer hill’ with my headphones cheering me on. At the start of each run I set an intention to get to the top. The phrase I encourage myself with is: ‘Just one more step, go one more block!’ And so I go, one slow step after another, inching my way steadily to the top. And, when I arrive, though out of breath and parched, a sense of personal achievement washes over me together with relief that I’ve been able to meet the  challenge one more time.

I’ll admit there are days when I’ve felt tempted to quit and turn back because it’s  felt too tough to continue -either because my legs feel as if they’re about to seize or the heat is sapping my energy. In those moments, I slow down to a walk, or I stop completely to rest and breathe till my breath returns to a more even rhythm. I remind myself why I tackled this hill in the first place: to increase my level of fitness, to build stamina and to challenge myself beyond my physical comfort zone.

‘Killer hill’ has not killed me. What it has killed is my sense of complacency. It’s requiring me to push through any doubt I might have had about my ability to meet this challenge. It’s got me curious about the ways I habitually resist when things seem too tough to face. It’s having me notice my resistance. And, from that state of awareness, I have the freedom to either enter the challenge or resist and notice the tension within me. When I choose to open to the experience, I am surprised to discover afresh what I may be capable of, especially when I align my head and heart with my goal of opening to all that the experience might offer.

So, instead of killing my spirit, ‘killer hill’ inspires me to garner all my resources to move myself steadily forward … ‘just one more step…go one more block.’

‘Killer hill’ is symbolic of numerous unexpected challenges in life that confront us: relationship break-ups, job loss, downsizing, financial challenges, budget cuts, unexpected illness, loss of loved ones. In life, we neither choose our hill nor do we get to turn around because it’s too tough. Many of these challenges confront us at our core, like a looming uphill struggle that feels like a ‘killer’. And yet, amidst these struggles, something arises from within that reveals to us the stuff we are made of. And that inner sense of who we are, moves us one step closer to  overcoming daunting life challenges,  just one small step at a time.

Every day that I wake up I know that my hill is not going away, it’s just around the corner. And, in some ways I am grateful for it because it reminds me that its lessons are there for me each day that I chose to run it. And, it’s only in embracing its challenges that I am likely to build my stamina and increase my capacity to grow.

In life, I’m learning that each uphill struggle strengthens us for the next challenge and the next.

So, what is your #1 challenge, ‘your killer hill’?
What one step can you take today, towards over-coming its challenge?
And, what previous experience can  support you to take  ‘one more step’ or ‘just go one more block’, forward’?

Write me. I’d love to hear how you are overcoming  or embracing your ‘killer hill’
deborah[at]authenticdialogue.com

So, what lessons can I learn from this?
Well, one key learning for me has been that while there will always be pressing priorities that I might consider to be my key focus at any given time, other routine activities and outputs, like writing blog posts, serve a different purpose and are also in need of consistent action. As I write this I cannot help smiling as Dene, my husband, has often emphasized the importance of establishing a habit of writing blogs.

A second learning is that I made a few basic assumptions, and these have been exposed. My assumptions were that because I had not advertised my website in any big way,

I thought that ‘few people’ are actually reading my blogs, and that I could ‘get way with’ not writing for a while, as nobody would really notice, or care.  Well, with hindsight I recognize that this might not be the case.

A third lesson, and one which we all know so well, and of which I am reminding myself as I write this, is that it takes consistent focused effort to establish any new habit.

For me blogging is a task that I’d intended to develop into a habit but had not quite followed through with.

A fourth lesson that this has reminded me about is that when we know that others notice what we are or are not doing, it changes the significance of the task, from one of a ‘personal focus’ to one of ‘holding ourselves accountable’ to others. That introduces a different level of significance to the task at hand and can aid to strengthen our commitment to follow through.

If you are one of my coaching clients and you’ve been reading this, I imagine that this post has brought a smile to your face, in that you recognize that as a coach I too need to be accountable both to myself as well as to my readers.

So, in the interests of transparency and a renewed commitment to ‘blogging’ I hope that today’s message will encourage you too to take up the challenge of sharing your thoughts and insights with others through your blog posts. And, if like me, you miss the mark, see it for what it is, and get back on track. After all isn’t it more important to be moving in the right direction than to be doing nothing at all? I wish us all ‘happy blogging!’

As immigrants, we, like so many Canadians, left behind a large network of friends and family to build our future in Canada. We began in Halifax, Nova Scotia, and after five years re-established ourselves here in Vancouver. Starting afresh, twice, in a new country required us to re-build a network of contacts and to establish a new circle of friends. And, because we have had the good fortune to live in both Nova Scotia and Vancouver, our friendship circle is made up of a far richer and more diverse mix of people than ever before! And for this, I am extremely grateful!

So why am I writing about this today? Because Vancouver, as host city for the 2010 Winter Olympics, is preparing final details before the Games begin on the 12′th. Having won the Olympic bid four years ago, the city of Vancouver embarked on a mission to get the city ready to welcome hundreds of guests who will visit here during these Olympics. It’s taken foresight, commitment and teamwork to follow through on its vision to create a successful Olympic experience.

A diverse group of people, here in Vancouver, have spent vast amounts of time, energy and commitment in a myriad of industries to make the VANOC Vision a reality. All of us in Vancouver represent a diverse workforce and are representatives from many countries. Though we may have left our countries of origin for good reasons, we are nonetheless who we are because of where we came from. And, though many may carry dual citizenship, we are truly grateful and proud to be citizens of this richly diverse country we now call home!

Just as we were welcomed into Canada as emigrants in 2000, we now as Canadians take our turn to welcome others to our wonderful city of Vancouver. My hope is that everyone who participates in these Games, in whatever way, will experience Canada, and especially Vancouver, with glowing hearts, excited by the promise of what the future might hold!

Mon 18 Jan – open to the first 50 participants!
Time:  5-6pm PST

Join me on this unique seminar in which we will explore the energy of choice and change. This is a FREE event – open to the first 50 participants! Conference details will be sent to you when you register.

Email me on Deborah[at]authenticdialogue.com by no later than Friday 15 January.

My New Year’s Resolution Success Formula:
H+HC+ cfA = PR!

Did you make any New Year’s Resolutions a few days ago? So, how are you doing? For some of us the standard we set ourselves may have already dipped somewhat, and we have ready reasons why this may be so. For others, resolutions may still be in place. What is the stick-ability factor?

Perhaps the stick-ability factor has something to do with what’s really behind resolutions, namely choice and change. That’s why I’m offering a FREE 1-hour tele-seminar on The Energy of Choice and Change. And, in this first seminar, I’ll reveal the details of the stick-ability factor that is embedded in my New Year’s Resolution Success Formula, namely: H+HC+ cfA = PR!

This is the actual formula I created and applied for the first time in 2002 when I set a New Year’s resolution to run the Valley Harvest Half Marathon in Nova Scotia, after thirteen years of no exercise! I trained on my own through all sorts of icy weather and was thrilled when I crossed the finish-line in under two hours with breath to spare!
If I can do it so can you!

Do you have a resolution you want to succeed at? Then join me on my free tele-seminar on the 18 January in which I’ll share my formula with you!

To join my FREE Tele-seminar, email me on Deborah[at]authenticdialogue.com  by no later than Friday 15 January …so that I can get your unique PIN code to you in advance of the session.

Each person will get their own unique PIN code. Please do not share it with anyone else, as this will make for challenges when I divide everyone into smaller groups so you can connect with others and share your thoughts.

The Energy of Choice & Change – FREE Tele-seminar is one-of-a-kind. Invite your friends, and reserve your place today! Open to the first 50 participants!

What: The Energy of Choice & Change – FREE Tele-seminar
When: Mon 18 Jan
Time:   5-6pm PST
Email:    Deborah[at]authenticdialogue.com

May 2010 be the year that your best intentions become realized!

Hello Everybody!

If you could see me right now, you’d notice that I’m snuggled up on the couch with a mug of hot chocolate (made with almond milk) nibbling dark chocolate (dairy-free) and I have a dreamy-kinda-smile on my face. How come? Because my thoughts are drifting to a rather unique experience…one that many of you might not regard as fun…but which is one of the highlights of my year and a memory I shall treasure for a long time to come…

So there I was, on the 8′th of December, ‘under the microscope’… literally, subject to the scrutiny of three top professional speakers who were evaluating a ‘Rising Stars Under the Microscope’ showcase event, during the Canadian Association of Professional Speakers (CAPS) national convention in Calgary. Each of us who had ‘won’ the contest in our respective CAPS chapters, got to deliver a repeat performance in Calgary to the scrutiny of a live audience plus three evaluators, namely Kit Grant, Jane Atkinson and Warren Evans, all renowned speakers within CAPS.

I can hear some of you muttering ‘You’ve got to be kidding me! That was the prize!’ Seriously, to professional speakers it’s an awesome prize! I chose to speak about ‘Dancing with Clients’. Yes, of course, I was nervous, but in spite of that, I’m happy to say I got a standing ovation (a really supportive crowd…!)

So, here I am, now, reminiscing on that moment, enjoying the comfort of my hot chocolate. And, this thought occurred to me… that on occasion we get to make choices as to the experiences we’ll get involved in. Some experiences we select might satisfy our desire for immediate gratification and comfort, like the delish hot chocolate with almond milk!

Other experiences we choose may not provide immediate gratification, but instead may offer a longer term reward that is worth the fleeting discomfort of the immediate moment. For me the significance lies in our conscious intention. My intention was to offer a sample of my work to be scrutinized by seasoned evaluators, so that I could get feedback from the best of the best in the speaking industry. I understood that their intention was to set each of us up for success by offering possibilities we can leverage, but to do so, they had to scrutinize our content and delivery.

Was this comfortable? Heck, no! However, as I reminisce with this hot chocolate in hand, wow, am I ever grateful for the quality of feedback I received! That far outweighs the fleeting tension of the moment, and therein is the comfort!

And as I reflect on this past year I am reminded that those moments that I bring under the microscope to really scrutinize the experience, yield unexpected gifts.

So, as we head into the holiday season, I invite you to reflect on your year and to scrutinize which experiences have brought you gifts, and once discovered, allow yourself a comfort beverage of your choice – while I stick with my hot chocolate!

Happy Holidays!

One of the areas I specialize in is how to have authentic conversations at work and home. You may be asking yourself, what’s that about?

It’s learning to interact with courage while communicating your message so you come across with:

• Confidence
• Clarity and
• Ease!

Over the past twenty something years I have taught thousands in business and the private sector to engage with others by applying authentic self expression. Lawyers, doctors, dentists, business owners, leaders, managers and staff across a variety of industries have learned what it takes to express themselves authentically.

How authentic are your conversations at work? Do you know how to share what’s on your mind in a way that others can hear? Does speaking authentically guarantee that you will maintain the relationship? These and many other questions are addressed in my program and keynote. Being authentic requires that one build self awareness and courage. Authentic conversations are not for the fainthearted!

So, how authentic are your conversations at home? Can you speak authentically with compassion, rather than being intentionally brutal? Would you describe your home conversations as authentic? What criteria do you use to assess this? How would those closest to you describe your manner of communicating?

The degree of our own self awareness always determines the quality of our conversations. It is this rare quality of authentic relating that results in a deeper engagement and greater clarity that sets authentic conversations apart!

How masterful are you at expressing your voice authentically?

If this has captured your attention, contact me. I’d love to hear from you!
1-778-386-5168

For some people this is a way of life, for others it remains a mystery and a challenge, while for yet others it’s an unfathomable concept. What is meant by ‘be present?’ I’m here, can’t you see me? That’s being present isn’t it?” Many people think this way, and that is understandable. Though this concept of ‘being present’ has been a core practice of many eastern spiritual traditions, it has not been in the mainstream thinking for that long.

When I first came across this concept a few years back, I too thought that being physically present was what ‘being present’ meant. At first glance it seemed simple. Over the years I’ve come to more fully appreciate the underlying dynamic that ‘being present’ evokes. My current understanding is that a first aspect is to ‘be present with yourself in your experience of the moment you’re in’. The deeper aspect is about inviting our ‘inner presence’ into our lives. This requires a whole lot more than merely being physically present. Let me illustrate the first aspect by way of a personal example.

The other day, for instance I wrote down a ‘to do list’ of all the things that I wanted to accomplish that day. As life would have it, I had a really busy day reacting to calls, running errands and getting involved in many things, none of which were on my original list. Has this ever happened to you? All of these things at the time called for my attention. I kept doing, doing, doing while ignoring the niggling irritation that crept in and began to grow below the surface of my awareness. By four o’ clock I revisited my ‘to do list’ only to find that I had only completed one item. The irritation surfaced in the form of my inner critic…!  Needless to say I was less than charmed with myself.

As I reflected on what had lead to this, I realized that I’d gone into a tail-spin of ‘busyness’. And, as I thought about it, I became aware that I had in fact switched over to automatic pilot as a way of coping instead of tackling what I had secretly been avoiding, namely tackling a task that was unfamiliar and challenging. And, in switching channels in this way I’d allowed my day to be hijacked by the tyranny of the urgent instead of aligning my actions with my intentions. After all, I had started off with a ‘to do list’, hadn’t I? So how did this busyness hijacking happen?

The answers to my experience lie below the surface, not on top of the surface. Dr Bruce Lipton, in his book Biology of Belief, states that, “…the subconscious mind is millions of times more powerful than the conscious mind. If the desires of the conscious mind conflict with the programs of the sub-conscious mind, which ‘mind’ do you think will win out?”

In not being fully present to what I was experiencing, I was oblivious to the numerous internal signals that were bubbling to the surface, because being in automatic pilot numbed my awareness and allowed me to ignore what was really going on. I’d switched to a familiar pattern of ‘getting things done’ because that’s what I had been trained to do in my early childhood.

By way of illustration, let’s compare swimming and deep sea diving. We swim on the surface of the water and when we look down we see that the water below is dark. And, in seeing that, we could conclude that there’s nothing to see below, it’s dark. And herein lies the paradox. However, when we go deep sea diving, and we take the necessary precautions to kit ourselves with the right equipment including oxygen tanks, masks and underwater lights, we discover that the darkness that we believed was all there is below, is in fact not so at all. Instead, as we shine a light into the depths, we begin to notice a vast undiscovered underwater world. A world filled with natural treasures and indescribable life forms in luminescent colours that impress us with their beauty and leave us in a state of awe and wonder. And we suddenly become aware that they’ve always been there, far below the surface, invisible to us from the surface, but radiant in the darkness, like hidden treasure that we have to search for to find! As we re-surface we take with us the impressions and are enriched by the experience.

Let’s draw from this analogy. Every day you and I are faced with many choices, two of which are: to either exist on the surface or to live our lives as fully present as we are able to.

The first choice allows us to switch to automatic pilot, and to live our lives on the surface, without much awareness of what is really going on with us or with others. I call this ‘living asleep’. It’s as if I am not fully awake to my life. I’m unconsciously following a rote pattern with little inner or outer awareness. In this state I am less likely to allow another to impress me with who they really are. In this state I can easily rely on past experiences of someone to cloud what they’re bringing forth today. In this state I am more concerned with myself, my concerns, my needs and my agenda. I’m sort of there but not quite! And, in this state my inner critic gets the most airtime, and that shows in my communication with others. I’m in a hurry. I’m impatient. I interrupt. I don’t notice the cues that others are giving. I’m living in my head, either thinking about a past event, or planning a future event. I miss the present moment. What’s going on when I am in this state? My presence is missing! When our presence is missing, our eyes are dull, the shine is missing and others can tell! They notice it!

The second choice, I call ‘living awake’. Living in this state, of being awake to what is, opens us to more possibilities. When we are present in our lives, and are present and genuinely curious about what is going on, we start to notice things about ourselves and other people that we ordinarily miss. Moment to moment, life presents itself anew and we allow ourselves to be impressed by others. I know for myself when I am in this state of awareness, I am often surprised by little things I notice about others that I didn’t notice before. I am calm. I am more genuinely interested in them and who they are. I listen more attentively. And, I am better able to dwell in curiosity open to discovering more. I like the way I feel when I am in this state. I feel more alive, more vibrant!

By inviting ourselves ‘to be present’ moment to moment, we tune in to a higher frequency of awareness. We open to a state of curiosity, creativity and wonder. And, in so doing we partner with life and our sub-conscious mind to show us more of who we truly are. We invite our spirit, our essence, our core being into our life. And the moment our Spirit joins in, that is when we sparkle!

She went on to share an incident that happened a week ago. Her neighbour’s little girl declared aloud: “Santa isn’t the one who brings the presents, it’s moms who do.” When her son then looked to her for a reply, she had said, “Well that may be so in your house, but in our house I’m too busy to do so.” Her answer seemed to satisfy her ten year old.

But it evoked a deep reaction inside her. What is she to say to her son if he finds out that there is no Santa? What will happen with regard to his trust in her? She doesn’t want to spoil Christmas for him by declaring Santa a fake, and neither does she want to lie.

Has this kind of dilemma happened to you? What about in the workplace when you know something but are not at liberty to reveal it just yet. How do you deal with those kinds of dilemma’s?

In pondering the question Raphiel was truly concerned. After briefly exploring this together in the salon, my husband Dene, a clear ‘sensemaker’ responded by offering the following: “How about telling your son that the spirit of Christmas is what we hold onto. That is true. And then you can go on to explain that whatever your tradition is, is true for you, and in that way we keep the idea of Santa and generous giving alive in our hearts.”

In hearing this Raphiel appeared somewhat relieved as it resonated with her need to retain the trust relationship she has with her son. She decided to let it ride until after Christmas and then she’ll open the topic. Her hope is that no-one will break the news to him before the day, and that is the risk she’s prepared to take.

It reinforced for me once again that it’s not only the words we use but the context and entire package within which our words are positioned that fully convey our truth and our intention.